CrocTalkin and You

Coping With the Death of a Pet

Coping with the sudden death of a pet can bring up many issues and feelings.

Shock and disbelief are caused by the unexpected experience of this loss and I’m still trying to come to grips with my friend’s death. Carlos, my African Caracal, was not just a companion. He was an experience enjoyed by all who knew him. During my educational “talks” of both our African Wild Cats, Carlos, our Caracal and Cleo our Serval, Carlos would almost every time whack me in the back of the head with this simple smirk on his face. Sparked by my comment “right, Carlos?” would surely get a response from my 63 lb friend. He loved his monkey too. Wouldn't let anyone touch his monkey! I miss my friend. I thought if I could help someone else with what I’m going through, I might be able to help myself through this as well as help others that may be going through the same situation recently.

For me I went through feelings of severe vulnerability. There are also feelings specific to sudden death that we all confront while engulfed in this grieving process.

· - Shock. The initial news was devastating for me. Overwhelming. I felt so disconnected from any feelings other than numbness and that maybe it was a dream. This couldn’t be happening because he seemed so healthy.

· -This unexpected death left me feeling “absent” from my surroundings and anyone trying to comfort me. It was as if I was the victim of a prank.

· -Carlos was sedated at the time I was informed and after the news was the tough decision to “let him go” while he was not really conscious though I know for a fact he knew we were beside him giving him comfort. Caressing him with a closeness he wouldn’t allow if he were totally conscious. He did have attitude and only liked attention when he wanted it under his terms. I felt I was invading his privacy but it was for the last time so it was different.

· -I felt guilty as I watched him peacefully passover. Then depressed by feelings of unfinished opportunities with him. Regretting things I hadn’t done with him and maybe if I only had told him how much I loved him everyday. Maybe things would have been different. Believing and wishing there was something I could have done to change the circumstances leading to his kidney failure. This though is not the “truth”, but the feelings are very real for me to this day.

· -Today, I’m copying with dreams of Carlos. Witnessing our Serval Cleo, a friend of Carlos for over 10 years, sniffing around and gurgly chirping looking for some evidence that her friend is still present somewhere in our home.

· -

Daily, I smell Carlos. I know he is close by. Watching. Observing. Sending his energy to me through feelings of his presence. It is a strong presence too.

I know that I will come out the other side one of these days. But until then I need to spread Carlos' love as much as I can through my social media sites to those who didn’t have the opportunity to have known my friend. One of my FB friends said about my grieving on FB…”take your time. We all grieve differently and do what I feel I have to do”. Thank you Lee. Appreciated.

So, here I am, spilling my guts. Crying while I write this in hopes of comforting my needs and thus possibly comforting others as well. You are not alone though I certainly feel that way. Lost. Empty. Feeling guilty. Alone. Yet blessed that I had know my friend Carlos, my Caracal for as long as I had. He changed my life, forever.

I’ll always love you Carlos and will always “keep a light on in my heart for you”

Good night, my friend.